Sober judgement
Humble Service in the Body of Christ
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
Romans 12:3-5
11 These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the culmination of the ages has come. 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation[c] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[d] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[e] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:11-13
The Believer’s Freedom
23 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 24 No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.
1 Corinthians 10:23-24
32 Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33 even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.
1 Corinthians 10:32-33
3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:3-6
: a relationship resembling a legal partnership and usually involving close cooperation between parties having specified and joint rights and responsibilities.
Definition of Partnership by Merriam-Webster
Have any of you ever seen a three-legged race?
The objective is to reach the goal (the finish line) together. You are to work in conjunction with each other to move each other forward, to move in unison, and to consider your partner so that you don’t move in such a way as to make them stumble and fall – because their falling doesn’t help you either in the long run; not when it comes to achieving your goals.
Unfortunately, when we only think about ourselves, and our eagerness to move forward without taking into consideration (to be considerate of) the other person – then we can become the biggest obstacle to our own goals. We may want to blame the other person because they fell but we don’t blame ourselves when we were the cause of their falling.
: an obstacle to progress
2
: an impediment to belief or understanding : perplexity
Definition of Stumbling block by Merriam-Webster
a circumstance that causes difficulty or hesitation.
Definition of Stumbling Block by Oxford Languages
13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.
Romans 14:13
Are we aware that passing judgment on someone doesn’t always have to be negative but it could be a positive judgement as well?
What I mean by this is that there are times when we meet someone and we start to think that they are a nice person, a sweet person, a kind person, a trustworthy person, a good person, and a loyal person. We may spend a great deal of time with them and in every encounter, we solidify our “judgment” of this person. But we are putting people on a pedestal that they can never live up to.
In my OA group, we have a saying that we are supposed to remember:
“Expectation Breeds Resentment”.
We are not looking at people with sober judgment and then we are shocked when we realize that we are disillusioned, and it all comes crashing down around us.
In doing so we have not only placed a stumbling block in this relationship, but we’ve erected one from both sides of this relationship.
The Bible tells us:
18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone.
Mark 10:18
If we think that they are “good people” ( we are not thinking with sober judgment).
10 As it is written:
“There is no one righteous, not even one;
11 there is no one who understands;
there is no one who seeks God.
12 All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.”[b]
Romans 3:10-12
Why would I think another human being will be faithful in their relationship with me when humans aren’t even faithful to God their creator? (we are not thinking with sober judgment).
The Bible clearly tells us:
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in humans.
9 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.
Psalm 118:8-9
1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
Psalm 1:1
27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
James 1:27
Why are my expectations so high of the humans that I share my life with? (Not using sober judgment)
Did you ever think that The Disney Production Company was wicked? I mean it is clean entertainment for the kids and family – a safe space. Right?
Except when it counsels me (from a young age – ungodly things) like all I have to do is wait for my Prince to come and save me from my unsatisfactory lifestyle.
But the bible told me not to put that kind of trust into my prince – even if I wind up marrying him. (Psalm 118:9)
Because that becomes a stumbling block for me because he will disappoint me and dissolution me when reality hits.
It is not if, but when.
And I will do the same to him (the Bible states in Proverbs 31:10)
[b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
So guess what the Bible is saying, she is rare! Most people will never find her and searching for it is a stumbling block for him as well.
In trying to hide who he really is, he will become deceitful with me so that he can try to live up to a false narrative I conjured up for him – its lies, deception, and witchcraft, it is stumbling blocks.
How can either of us expect not to fall in our three-legged race to eternal life with that kind of obstacle placed before us?
He has also been polluted by the world to believe in only one standard of beauty on this planet and if your partner doesn’t look like that then you are missing out. (Another lie from Satan)
This is where they both need to be fearful because they are not “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” ( 2 Corinthians 10:5)
We are not demolishing those thoughts instead we are standing on them as if they are foundational gospel.
So he goes to pornography, lust, and follows that deception (the stumbling block and the devil has won – and we fall down), then I go (to low self-esteem, unforgiveness, hesitancy over whether I am good enough to even breathe not just be a wife, and I land in bitterness (the stumbling block and the devil has won – and we stay down) now we have both fallen onto the ground and are struggling to get back up to continue our race.
And even if we did get up to continue the race together, we are no longer unified or in sync because I can’t trust where he is going and he is too timid, now, to try to move anywhere at all. We are stuck in the quicksand of resentment of each other because we are not moving forward and killing each other's dreams of getting to eternal life.
He is thinking “Why does she make me feel so bad for being human and making a mistake?” and she is thinking “Why does he make me feel so bad about myself for being a normal human being and therefore not good enough for him?”
Do Everything Without Grumbling
12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
Philippians 2:12-13
So if we are grumbling and complaining about our spouse/ or partners, are we really obeying God?
We are not working out our salvation with fear and trembling, surely. Because if we were we would not be a hypocrite.
5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:5
The odd thing is the Bible says that “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the lord should be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30) But a man who has been polluted by the world will find no worth in that whatsoever.
He will have nothing good to say about her, ever – because he doesn’t find that valuable enough. (He is Not using sober judgment).
Sober judgment is for us to recognize that we are not supposed to expect the “best” from people but honestly, we are to expect the ‘worst” from them and then still choose to love them anyway. It is the same sober judgment that God has and uses with us.
It is not a license to sin, but it is a reality check that we need to stop thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought to. The thought of “Oh, he would never do that to me?” Isn’t sober judgment. Why would he not do this to you if he is already doing it to God?
So, who are you? (Reality Check).
Or, if a man who is unwilling to say nice things to his wife or even partner because “If they were more like so and so then I might say something nice about them but since they are not…then I won't.”
Okay, but how are you obeying…
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Ephesians 5:25-27
If your woman looks down and depressed – how did you cause that?
We need to face the reality that just as men think that women are letting them down men are letting women down too. The women may just have more empathy towards men than to mention it out loud to you. But we are all disappointed – Just like God is.
5 The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. 6 The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. 7 So the Lord said, “I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created—and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground—for I regret that I have made them.”
Genesis 6:5-7
God came to this reality and so do we have to come to this reality. The only difference is that then God chose to love unconditionally which changed the game and why he sent Jesus Christ to Earth to die for our sins.
We just need to realize that when we fall into these sinful patterns, we are not only bringing ourselves down but also the person who we are tied together with within this three-legged race – our partner in the gospel.
We are dragging other people down with us who were simply trying to run the race that was marked out for them.
Remember the Bible told us this…
Achan’s Sin
7 But the Israelites were unfaithful in regard to the devoted things[a]; Achan son of Karmi, the son of Zimri,[b] the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took some of them. So the Lord’s anger burned against Israel.
2 Now Joshua sent men from Jericho to Ai, which is near Beth Aven to the east of Bethel, and told them, “Go up and spy out the region.” So the men went up and spied out Ai.
3 When they returned to Joshua, they said, “Not all the army will have to go up against Ai. Send two or three thousand men to take it and do not weary the whole army, for only a few people live there.” 4 So about three thousand went up; but they were routed by the men of Ai, 5 who killed about thirty-six of them. They chased the Israelites from the city gate as far as the stone quarries and struck them down on the slopes. At this the hearts of the people melted in fear and became like water.
(Look how far they had come before (their ancestors who were spies) thought that they were like grasshoppers in the eyes of those God sent them to fight and they had more fear than faith. (Numbers 13:33) Now after all this time building up their faith in God it gets destroyed because of the sin of one man.)
6 Then Joshua tore his clothes and fell facedown to the ground before the ark of the Lord, remaining there till evening. The elders of Israel did the same and sprinkled dust on their heads. 7 And Joshua said, “Alas, Sovereign Lord, why did you ever bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan! 8 Pardon your servant, Lord. What can I say, now that Israel has been routed by its enemies? 9 The Canaanites and the other people of the country will hear about this, and they will surround us and wipe out our name from the earth. What then will you do for your own great name?”
10 The Lord said to Joshua, “Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? 11 Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions. 12 That is why the Israelites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction.
Joshua 7:1-12
Because one man sinned who had been tied to all of the others in this race to conquer The Promised Land - they all fell down. Thirty-six random men lost their lives who didn’t even commit, the sin themselves. (How fair was that of Ai just because he couldn’t stop the lust of his own eyes and stole what he should not have to possess for himself). Does no one have any idea how their wives and children must have felt? Their lives were never the same again). We may not think much of this but if you were the one who wasn’t sinning and someone in your Bible Talk was and they brought you down with them and you had to die for it – how would you like it now?
The strong faith that Joshua had was shaken to his core- He had so much faith that he sent them in to fight with less people because of his assuredness that God would fight for them. But, it was the lust, theft, secrecy, and deception that led to this massive failure. He put more faith in his brothers-in-arms than he should have. He should have had them all checked to make sure that they were being obedient to God’s last directive, but he didn’t, instead – HE TRUSTED THEM- A BIG MISTAKE.
This is not being like Jesus because being like Jesus means…
23 Now while he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Festival, many people saw the signs he was performing and believed in his name.[d] 24 But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. 25 He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person.
John 2:23-25
Let’s have sober judgment about ourselves and the others around us. Stop putting your trust in mankind but instead put your trust in God. Stop putting people (including ourselves) on pedestals – that is not sober judgment. And stop allowing ourselves to be deceived by the ungodly worldly expectations of each other – these are lies from the pit of hell.
We are all sinners, disloyal, disobedient, and dishonest, and it is disheartening but - it is the truth. Once we can truly start living in the truth that we are sinful partners in the gospel, worldly, fleshly, beings, who are only covered in the righteousness of Jesus Christ from God’s perspective but not from our own perspective with each other.
Only then can we choose to love truly unconditionally and then the tactics of the enemy can no longer make us fall – because we are no longer on pedestals but have our feet firmly planted on the ground.
We need to have sober judgment and stop putting stumbling blocks in front of those who are running this race with us. We need to be mindful that we are damaging more than ourselves with these sinful choices.
Instead, focus on Jesus who doesn’t sin and never fails you. He is the third strand that is not easily broken. Focus on running the race with him, don’t focus on the others, we are called to love them but not to trust them – it is Jesus who can and will keep us in step with the Spirit.
