why are we willing to wrestle with God rather then say that we are Sorry?

Genesis 32

Jacob Prepares to Meet Esau

32 [a]Jacob also went on his way, and the angels of God met him. 2 When Jacob saw them, he said, “This is the camp of God!” So he named that place Mahanaim.[b]

3 Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. 4 He instructed them: “This is what you are to say to my lord Esau: ‘Your servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have remained there till now. 5 I have cattle and donkeys, sheep and goats, male and female servants. Now I am sending this message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes.’”

6 When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, “We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him.”

7 In great fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups,[c] and the flocks and herds and camels as well. 8 He thought, “If Esau comes and attacks one group,[d] the group[e] that is left may escape.”

9 Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, Lord, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’ 10 I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. 11 Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. 12 But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’”

13 He spent the night there, and from what he had with him he selected a gift for his brother Esau: 14 two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, 15 thirty female camels with their young, forty cows and ten bulls, and twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys. 16 He put them in the care of his servants, each herd by itself, and said to his servants, “Go ahead of me, and keep some space between the herds.”

17 He instructed the one in the lead: “When my brother Esau meets you and asks, ‘Who do you belong to, and where are you going, and who owns all these animals in front of you?’ 18 then you are to say, ‘They belong to your servant Jacob. They are a gift sent to my lord Esau, and he is coming behind us.’”

19 He also instructed the second, the third and all the others who followed the herds: “You are to say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. 20 And be sure to say, ‘Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.’” For he thought, “I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me.” 21 So Jacob’s gifts went on ahead of him, but he himself spent the night in the camp.

Jacob Wrestles With God

22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[f] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

30 So Jacob called the place Peniel,[g] saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel,[h] and he was limping because of his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.

Don’t you find it interesting that Jacob prayed to God because he was afraid to meet up with Esau? He was worried about having to meet the consequences of his actions because he knew that he did Esau wrong. Why was he so afraid of a human being but felt perfectly content in wrestling with God? Did he feel that he was on an equal plane or playing field with God? Why would he think that was ok to do? In Jacob’s state of fear, he made a wrong calculation; like many of us do. He decided instead to fight the more powerful opponent.

I can be like this as well, fear of people or people pleasing can set me up to fight larger battles within my soul and conscience and with God who told us “not to fear people because that would prove to be a snare” (Proverbs 29:25).

What I find interesting about this chapter is, that Jacob, wrestles and then gets his hip wrenched from its socket (v. 25). He is hurt. He leaves this encounter with a limp. He asked for a blessing and his name was changed but I believe now that his being physically hurt was a blessing as well. Why? Two things occurred: 1) Since he became physically injured in the scuffle he is weaker when meeting up with his brother Esau. Now he has to lean on God’s grace and not on his strength. 2) Jacob will come to understand a truth about God that he didn’t know or understand before. This personal encounter of praying for courage, strength, and maybe even power to overcome his “enemy’ came to yield something that he never expected - opportunity. An opportunity to understand God’s grace in a new form - not getting what his sin deserves (Psalm 103:10).

The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9-11:

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

He went out to meet Esau in a worse condition than he would have before his prayer. He is weaker, unstable, and in pain, more so now than even before his encounter with God. I think it is safe to say most of us would have preferred to meet Esau in his original state - at least he could have run after seeing him if needed, but not now. Now he has to face his demons head-on with only God as his shield. God sees things differently, now that Jacob is weak, now he is strong. Because he has to rely on God only - he has nothing else.

We don’t know why Esau showed him kindness. Esau rode out to meet Jacob with 400 of his friends so it looked like he was ready for a fight. But we don’t always understand how God works. Maybe it was because Esau saw Jacob limping towards him that made compassion swell up in his heart and so he changed his mind about harming his brother. Maybe that limp caused Esau to pity him and see that there was no need to hurt him because the world had already done that (Remember in Ruth when Naomi told people in her hometown to call her “Mara now because she went away full but came back empty?”) (Ruth 1:20-21).

All we know is that God works all things together for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Call on God for help, call on his name when you are fearful, trust in him and lean not on your own understanding.

But also think about the idea that it may have been easier if you just went ahead, confronted your past, and said ‘ I am sorry’.